i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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