Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
