it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
