That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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