why didn't you poke me back
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
