Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
