sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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