Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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