just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
