Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
