Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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