I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
im holly from the hills drunk
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
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I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
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Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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