I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She told me I should be a condom model.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize