Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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