But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
