she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
