Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
