i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I AM VODKA MAN
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
