I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
