everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
