Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I could fuck to npr.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
