my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
