It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
