When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
