I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
