highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
