After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
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Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
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I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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