dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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