Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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