woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
