Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
