yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
