dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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