I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
