he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
