If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
COCAINE IS GR8
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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