Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
