We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
