we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
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don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
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I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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