after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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