I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
