I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
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Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
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We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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