My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
