so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
