The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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