Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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