i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
