Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
