I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
