I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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