So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
