Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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