the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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