yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You may now shotgun with the bride
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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