He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Randomize
