dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
