Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
