smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
