Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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