I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
