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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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